Normally people address these groups separately – those that have lost their moms, those that have lost children or those that suffer from miscarriages or infertility. But on this one day, we are all part of one ugly club that we never wanted to be a part of. A club that we never imagined being in, when we pictured our lives. A club that somehow encompasses both love and hate in one day; love for the lives we have and the children we adore, but hate for the loss we feel. A club that we can’t get out of, no matter how much time passes – we are members for life.
Mother’s Day is a day that is supposed to be full of joy, celebration and love. And for most, it is. The weeks leading up to Mother’s Day we can’t go without hearing about it. But the day after Mother’s Day, for us, might feel a bit like a hangover. Everybody has a reason to celebrate Mother’s Day – whether we are a Mother ourselves, or plan to celebrate our own mom. But what about the people that this particular holiday invokes feelings of sadness, anger, confusion and defeat? To those that have lost their moms, those that have lost children, those that suffer from miscarriages or infertility; the day meant to celebrate can turn into a day of mourning. Here’s the thing. We all feel the loss every single day. Trust me. Not a day goes by that we don’t miss our babies or our moms or dream of what our babies might be like. But something about Mother’s Day brings it all out again; like pouring salt a wound. The wound is always there, day in and day out, but pouring salt on it reminds us of it and brings us immediate pain. It’s a reminder of our loss that we just can’t escape. A reminder that someone, whose heart once beat just like everyone else’s, no longer does. A reminder of that moment when you watched this person take their last breath; a moment that is forever engrained into your memory. A reminder that life is fragile, life is a gift and as beautiful as this gift can be, it can also be ugly, heart wrenching, downright unfair. That’s how Mother’s Day is to some. A dull ache deep inside our hearts from our loss that never goes away – that we are reminded of in full force in the days surrounding this holiday. We might still have a reason to celebrate – many of us that have experienced this loss can also celebrate with our children or Moms. But that doesn’t make the pain any less, does it?
I’ve heard this saying many, many times. There is no other love in this world than that between a mother and child. And it’s the truth isn’t it? A mother’s love is fierce, unconditional, unapologetic and never ending. It starts before a life exists – it goes beyond the years that we are physically present.
So I have some words for all of those that suffer on Mother’s Day.
You are not alone.
It’s ok to feel sad on this day.
It’s ok to feel angry at the people who have not suffered like you.
It’s ok to love and adore your children that are physically present, but mourn your losses.
It’s ok to love everyone in your life, but miss your mom with so much intensity it hurts.
It’s ok to feel confused at why God thought you of all people could handle this kind of loss.
It’s ok to question His plan.
It’s ok to be happy, grateful and joyful for the life you have.
It’s ok to feel blessed at the children you were given, before or after you loss.
It’s ok to continue dreaming of that day that you can feel happiness on Mother’s Day.
It’s ok to know that grief is a never ending process; that it will change you fundamentally.
It’s ok to celebrate life or loss.
You are not alone. To the motherless children, the mothers of angels or the childless mothers who dream – we celebrate you.